I first started to dabble in meditation in my second year of university this was because I found out that regular meditation had a positive impact on mental health/wellbeing. I practiced it but it was an alien concept that I didn’t know whether I was doing it right (my perfectionist mind kicking in) and I also felt like I just didn’t have the time for it in my day.
Fast forward several years and I now realise that my reluctance to engage in it stemmed from being uncomfortable in doing something that I didn’t know whether I was doing it right and secondly I felt like I didn’t have time for it. Meditation is an act of self love and I know realise that I feel fundamentally uncomfortable in using time and energy to engage in acts of love towards myself and that comes from a deficit of self worth (which I have only realised recently & if anyone has any advice or tips on how to work on increasing it PLS message me!). Having realisation allows me to be self aware and actively challenge negative self talk and I realised that I do have time to set aside for me and my wellbeing and that before I was just using that as an excuse to not meditate.
I have come a long way but I still am not a person who meditates daily and I would like to be because I feel and Know that it will be good for me, so from today (2 Oct 2018) I am committing to meditating for at least 10 minutes every day. This can take the form of seating down in the floor, chair, by the river or even making up my own tai chi moves in my living room.
I also have realised whilst self consciously trying to meditate by the river that in our society it is more acceptable for me to sit there and scroll through my phone than for me to sit quietly and close my eyes and meditate. I want this to change and I look forward to a day where I wont feel self conscious, either because it has become normal to meditate in public or because I don’t care if I get funny looks ….or both!